Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
