so that wasnt chicken after all
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
