She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
