I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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