Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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