Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
