I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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