The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
