youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
