I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
