You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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