So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My bed smells like the plague
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
