She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
