I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
