she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
