Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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