im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
not ubering you a puppy
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