she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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