i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
