Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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