My nipple is on Facebook.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
