Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
