Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
