Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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