i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I understand Curling. That high.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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