I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
