I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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