You're completely useless in the revolution.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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