I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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