it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
