this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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