im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
They should really pass out barf bags in church
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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