I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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