hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
