I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
