I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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