You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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