There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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