When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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