I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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