and my herpes radar will keep us safe
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
