We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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