Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
