the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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