i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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