He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
