It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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