i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
