It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
