I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
