WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
